Or that it'll be impossible to pick themselves up if and when a long-term relationship doesn't end up as they'd planned. So, instead of fear-mongering, they armed me with education about condoms, a birth control prescription and knowledge that I needed to be safe and give consent. Don't get me wrong; If people feel compelled to wait, that's their choice, and as a sex-positive person, free-choice -- regardless of whether I'd make the same decision -- is important to me. Tap here to turn on desktop notifications to get the news sent straight to you. It makes any kind of sex before marriage experience good, or bad, or ugly look like a failure when, in reality, those experiences can teach us a lot about ourselves, our wants and our desires. Those of us that chose to have a sex life before marriage need to stop being made to feel ashamed. Because deciding to have sex and getting married are two different things.
And maybe those that believe that waiting is better need to understand that, too. Don't get me wrong; If people feel compelled to wait, that's their choice, and as a sex-positive person, free-choice -- regardless of whether I'd make the same decision -- is important to me. I did the research, took the necessary precautions and made the decision myself. She must have been super convincing, because as the stage faded to black and we all filed out of the auditorium, I decided then and there that I wanted to have sex. This pressure makes women more likely to feel ashamed, or worse, damaged, if they "fail" to remain chaste. Because deciding to have sex and getting married are two different things. And I'm glad they did. Or that it'll be impossible to pick themselves up if and when a long-term relationship doesn't end up as they'd planned. As a straight, cisgendered, reasonably privileged woman, my problem with "waiting for marriage" stems from the fact that some religious communities pose "waiting for marriage" as the right choice, instead of just a choice -- and it's detrimental to women and their relationships. Instead, I was proud. This isn't to say that we should throw all caution to the wind when it comes to sex -- Protection and mutual respect are key. My parents would have preferred me to wait, but they understood that as an adult, I was free to make my own choices. I wish more twenty-somethings could say they had the same rewarding experience as I did, and that's why I find the phrases "wait until marriage" and "save yourself" problematic. When it comes to sharing an intimate experience with someone, regardless if it is everything we dreamed about or not, we shouldn't have to apologize for it -- just learn from it and move on. So, instead of fear-mongering, they armed me with education about condoms, a birth control prescription and knowledge that I needed to be safe and give consent. As long as it's safe and consensual, choosing to have sex before marriage for whatever reason doesn't make you immoral. The concept makes it seem like this so-called "purity" is worth more than sexual autonomy. It just makes you human. But being an over-thinker, I wasn't percent sure. I moved on and felt no regrets. Tap here to turn on desktop notifications to get the news sent straight to you. I was lucky, though. I live with my boyfriend of two years now, and if we decide to get married, I can go into our lifelong bond knowing exactly what I like or what I don't, and can be percent sure that we have a connection beyond just our sexual needs. The argument to "wait until marriage" puts sex so high on a pedestal that love and exploration -- what sex is truly about -- are lost to fear and uncertainty. The idea that women, and women alone, should be "pure" for their husbands puts all of the responsibly on them. While a seemingly well-intentioned plan, the concept is inherently flawed. Not because I was raging with hormones, but because it's something I wanted to do, and my body and mind felt ready to experience it.
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